So pick me, choose me, love me...

"as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be fear, but there's also hope."

gutted -- a forgotten word i picked up in london, and sadly the most appropriate word i can think of.

my worst nightmare (literally) has become a reality, and once again i am considering a career as a psychic friend. of course this had to happen the night before my big day off, so i spent saturday doing a lot of thinking and reflecting. saddness, despair, loneliness. does life ever allow you the pleasure of being happy for more than a fleeting second?

the only thing i'm even remotely thankful for, is that this didn't happen a month ago. i couldn't have handled it then.

as it stands, i'm self-medicating on season two of grey's anatomy. probably not the most healthy solution, but the one i'm going with.

~cfc

"No one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to freefalling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you."