2.23 am... just got home from the show, but still too wired to go to sleep. did a lot of thinking tonight... it was a good night for thinking. i can honestly say i have never before (in my 80+ shows) approached a DMB show with such open hostility... 'twas good for my soul, i believe. but i'm getting ahead of myself.
friday i had the entire day off and i was determined to spend it sulking about the huge mess that is my life. things were progressing swimmingly until about 7pm when melissa rang and insisted i join her for a night of debauchery in fredericksburg. i tore myself away from "ghost dad" on TV and grabbed a shower and headed on down. we decided to call our ghost friend, aka sarah, to see if she'd be able to join us, and shock of all shocks she was more than willingly. hilarity ensued. lots of vodka, lots of crazy fred men, and lots of laughter. it was nice to hear that sarah's in the same predicament i am, trying to overcome the annoyingly strong force field around NOVA and escape to a new city. (seriously, it's nearly impossible to get out of this town.) i woke up saturday morning, not exactly refreshed, but definitely feeling a little less alone. it's always nice to hear that you're not the only miserable molly in town.
i came home and showered up for my first DMB experience of 2006. i had mixed emotions about going to the show. i think that part of my "funk" lately has been because so many things and people that were once so important to me have suddenly become nearly irrelevant. i mean, anyone who knows me understands that the dave matthews band has been the center of my universe for many many years. well, not anymore. there are several reasons for this, i think, but not one single item i can put my finger on and attempt to remedy. which, truly, is more depressing than anything that's happened to me lately. if i don't have DMB, then who i am? perhaps that's a rather drastic statement, but it's something i've given a lot of thought to.
but, i was excited about my first REAL tailgating experience at the hellhole we NOVA-nites call nissan pavillion. i met up with Toni, Renee, and Jana in Manassas before joining the party train in haymarket. the tailgate was largely organized by popular joe, and i added the tim/courtney/todd factor last week. we started grilling immediately, and some of joe's cool cool cool peeps from pittsburgh brought out the jello shooters. tim had his AMAZING bong burgers, which took us all right back to the summer of 2004... love it!! :) i shared some of my DMB frustrations with joe, and he was wonderfully sympathetic. surprisingly so. thankfully the weather held out and, although it was 80% humidity, it was bearable and we had a great time. toni and i headed into the pavillion smiling our way to the seventh row... which is fantastic and i realize i'm ungrateful but it's definitely a two-row downgrade from the past two summers at nissan.
anywhoooo... the band came on stage and it definitely took me a couple songs to get into the groove. they opened with WWYS, into a beautiful Everyday... and rocked it out on So Right. i hadn't heard that live in a while... (years?) and it was perfect. it was during So Right that i realized my singing was way more aggressive than normal.... almost angry. it was empty until you came...they killed the mood with stupid Hunger for the Great Light (vomit) during which time i decided to send a hot sexy text to my nyc hottie. ;) played a new little jam, followed by Grace is Gone. had to place a concert call to my girl marie during that one.... such a sweetly sad song.... excuse me please, one more drink, could you make it strong cause i don't need to think, she broke my heart my grace is gone. one more drink and i'll move on...
then they did bayou, and steady... good, but i don't like the stand-up songs...
then, they went into Bartender, and my night took a turn. i can't really describe it, but i was so angry, singing along at the top of my voice, dancing like a demon... dancing like a woman with something she needs to work out of her system. I'm on bended knee I pray Bartender please, Oh when I was young I didn't think about it, But now I can't get it out of my mind I'm on bended knee please father please!
never in my life have i felt so connected with song. they went into Joyride next... so wonderfully capturing my angst with the world in general and the country i live in... with guns and gasoline we're gonna save the world, nothing's obscene if we only close our eyes, boys and girls welcome to this joyride... then they went into the kicker, Grey Street. a solid song any way you look at it, particularly powerful to a girl that feels like the world wants her to fail... and though it's red blood bleeding from her now it's more like cold blue ice in her heart. she feels like kicking out all the windows, and setting fire to this life. she would change everything about her, using colors bold and bright, but all the colors mix together... to grey.
if tonight's show was sex, Grey Street was my orgasm. i screamed, i threw punches, i worked myself to the point of tears, and i felt lighter by the end of the song. as they strummed the opening notes to Dancing Nancies i realized i can't keep waiting for a miracle to fix my life, and i was crazy to think that DMB could possibly not play a major role in my life. nothing will ever make me as feel the way i do when they're on stage, and that's just simple fact. Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight, the thrill of it all... Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, But I'll work it out.... so true!
the rest of the show was amazing. by the final song of the night, Last Stop, i felt rather victorious. i've recaptured something that i'd foolishly thought i had lost. i'm not saying my life is a-ok because the band picked a good setlist, and i'm not stupid enough to declare my funk gone forever, but... tonight was a start.
~cfc
ps – hearing Crash after Nancies was truly the icing on the cake. A silly little love song, perhaps, but it (annoyingly) makes me think of my nyc hottie which, this week, is a good thing. :)
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
and sweet you roll
Lost for you
I'm so lost for you
You come crash into me
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