everyday i love you less and less

so i emerged from the cave tonight for a hot b&n date with yusef. good for the soul, that boy is! even if it is his fake birthday. his b&n didn't have the 2006 london engagement calendar i needed, so he placed some calls for me until we tracked one down, hehehe. ;) love it!
going through my 2005 planner i found at least 3 shows (me first, okgo, live8).. i left off the list... will fix soon.
looking for a file tonight, i went through some old emails... mainly from one source in 2004. i had forgotten how much It can hurt. (It=insensitive boys). in hindsight, i realize that london was the absolute best therapy.... moving away and having a billion things on my mind... i can honestly say that by march the episode was the furthest thing from my mind. indeed, the whole situation is laughable now. laughable, but regrettable. i wish i hadn't spent so much energy on It. especially when there were plently of more suitable alternatives right in front of my face.
i feel lonely sometimes, having spent the majority of the last six years being single... but when i think back to It... and observe certain couples around me that never seem to be satisfied... i'm happy with my decisions. it's funny, but i think if you asked any of 'men' in my life over the past six years, exactly half would describe me as cold and distant, and the other half would describe me as needy. i think i'm a little bit of both, but until i find someone that can bring out the happy medium in me, i'm better off free.

peace!

the song that reminded my last 'boyf' of me:
"I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay because I like the abuse
Well I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem"
~offspring