no strings attached, i want your body - not your heart

i figured out why i was so glum last week... it's that damn britney spears cd... i returned it to wendy this morning and put on Xtina and i'm feeling 10,000% better, thank you very much! she makes me that much stronger!


so all the events of the weekend (and there were a few) were completely overshadowed by a classic "man vs. nature" battle i unknowingly walked into last night.

let me set the scene for you:

it was a dark and stormy evening. (no seriously, it really was.) at around 7pm i went out to the barn to play with/feed the six baby kittens in the barn. [this specifc barn, mind you, is more like a very long shed, with gray concrete walls and a metal roof. i entered in the barn through the back door, a heavy wood door that slides back and forth. that door faces an empty field and the grass is rather tall right now.] i knew it was going to storm soon, so i took my umbrella along with the flashlight, catmilk, and cat food i had already planned on taking. i left the door open as it is fairly heavy and cumbersome to push back and forth, especially from the inside. i went to the kitten's hiding place and sat down, indian-style, with my back against the wall. after about twenty minutes had passed, it began to lightly rain. i was talking to the kittens at a normal conversation level, and the rain began to come down harder. suddenly, to my horror, i looked up and on the opposite side of the barn...crawling calmly across the hay... was a LARGER THAN LIFE, BEADY-EYED, WHITE HAIRED... POSSUM!!!!!!

AHHH!!! has anyone reading this ever seen an actual possum in motion very close to them??? oh my god... it's like a giant RAT. SO GROSS!!!

and the story doesn't end there!

so i scream bloody murder, (nearly traumatizing all the kittens, who immediately ran back into their hiding place), stand up, and start waving my arms around trying to scare him off. yeah... the phrase "playing possum" isn't made up... the stupid freak just stood there for a second and calmly walked back further into the hay to where i couldn't see him anymore... i'm standing there throwing the flashlight beam around the barn like a light saber and my pulse is racing. the possum was indirectly inbetween me and the door, so i sure as hell wasn't going to try and leave because i was partially expecting him to come running out at me with his beady eyes and disgusting little tail... so i finally calm down enough to apologize to the kitten for being hysterical... (good ol' captain jack, he was back out in 2 seconds, ready to play some more) ... i sit back down and start to figure out how to escape the barn without being attacked by a savage possum... five minute pass, my pulse slows to normal... by this time the rain is coming down much harder and i'm thinking more clearly... realizing i'll be drenched by the time i get back to the house...

then i look to the door and what is right outside, turning to come in and escape the rain??? a HUGE GROUNDHOG!!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!

so, i jump up AGAIN... scream AGAIN.... wave my arms around AGAIN... and the groundhog quickly turns and flees into the field (apparently groundhogs are more easily spooked by humans than possums)... by this point i'm starting to feel like a cross between the blonde girl on the beverly hillbillies and the crocodile hunter.

this time, captain jack was not spooked and just seemed rather curious about my behavior. i picked him up, and spend a couple minutes assuring him i was not insane, but i needed to get the hell out of there before coyotes showed up. so i gathered up my flashlight and my umbrella and tried hard to ignore the shadow of the possum moving across the hay opposite me. the rain had increased to a heavy downpour, so i braced myself for the long walk back to the house. i took my first step towards the doorway... when... THE GROUNDHOG REAPPEARED!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

again! the waving, screaming, the flashlight light-saber... he had his hairy little foot on the step of the doorway before he noticed me and took off running (again) back into the field...

i didn't hesitate or waste a minute... i ran past the hay where the possum was hiding and flew out the door, shoving the door shut behind me and took off towards the house. i ran so fast the rain couldn't catch up with me.

i told the people at my office about the whole episode and they laughed and called me a "city girl"... whatever, show me the person that DOESN'T scream when a big hairy possum crawls towards them and i'll show you davey crockett reincarnated.

~courtney